“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” – Carroll Bryant
Every relationship goes through its destiny and poses new challenges and it is different from anybody else’s. But one thing that everyone in relationship experiences is anger. It is a prevalent emotion that we all know about and has acknowledged in one way or the other. It doesn’t mean that you need to end the relationship just because of an unpleasant emotion and the frustration that comes after.
If anything, a relationship needs work from both sides to find a happy middle. Anybody who says they have NEVER fought or argued with their partner is, in my opinion, clearly lying. It is a very common thing to go through as our lives are complicated and can ignite several emotions in us, one of the very common ones being anger.
But we need to learn how to manage it and the frustration that follows to maintain a nurturing and loving relationship with our partner.
1. Focus on Yourself First
How many times have you said something when you were angry that you wish you hadn’t? Whether it be your friends, family, co-workers, or yourself? But why do we resort to verbal anger when we find that something is unacceptable in our standards? Or do you have a habit of throwing any object when you are in a fit of rage? You need to start by understanding that is not fair to yourself or your partner and need to remedy your actions when angry or frustrated.
Look within yourself and find patterns that might reoccur when you are angry at something. Words spoken at that time can be very hurtful as we are not thinking clearly at that given moment. Instead, talk calmly and in a casual tone to not get yourself so riled up that your adrenaline makes you do things that you wouldn’t do otherwise. Always keep your tone at a level that is not intimidating to avoid raised voices and hurtful scenarios.
2. Take Some Time
If you can’t find within yourself to not scream, shout, talkback, or use abusive language when you are angry, you need to rethink your strategies. No relationship has ever resolved any misunderstandings by screaming or pointing fingers. If you need, insist on implementing time-out to not escalate a situation. By removing yourself from the scene for a short period of time, can help to get your emotions in check and the same for your partner.
Do some deep breathing exercises while you are at it because there is a high chance that you are not thinking rationally. Pacing yourself by giving yourself some time can help you see the issue from your partner’s side and ultimately lower the chances of an even angrier spat.
3. Avoid Placing Blame
Do we ever ask ourselves the reason behind the anger that frustrates us? In most cases, it is because of your partner’s actions or a misunderstanding. But once we are consumed with angry and negative thoughts, we aren’t thinking about the main cause of the issue and instead retort to over-analyzing, negative interpretations, and hasty conclusions.
In these situations, it is better to look at your own actions rather than your partners to avoid unpleasant accusations. Try to see what you can do to help things calmly and rationally. By placing blame on someone you are angry with, is bound to upset that person as well.
4. Practice Forgiveness
A relationship can only go through so much if you are dealing with so much anger and frustration. Sometimes it reflects directly according to your partner’s actions or sometimes it could be misplaced. It could be family issues, work stress, or anxiety. Try to forgive yourself and your partner for whatever was said when you were angry.
An honest apology is always appreciated. Learn to own up to your mistakes and words and hold yourself accountable to offer a heartfelt apology and realise how you can make things better for the future.
5. Know When to Seek Help
No relationship should tolerate any kind of physical or verbal abuse. If you feel that you are intimidated or scared by your partner, it is time to get help. No matter how much you love them, if your relationship lacks mutual affection, trust and respect, it is toxic, and you need to eliminate yourself from there. There are several mediums of help for people who are in abusive or toxic relationships. If you are scared, try to at least reach out to your close friends and family and share what you have been going through. Sometimes, a gentle reminder of why you need to get out of there is all you need.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. We grow and learn from our mistakes and start to appreciate pleasant memories. Don’t let anger take away the core of what makes you a couple and never let it ruin something that you know you will regret in the future.
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