10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served.” – Nina Simones

How do we define what is wrong and what is right? How do you know that what you are going through is not love? How do you realize that you need to leave the relationship you are in as it is destroying you one thing at a time? Everybody learns their lessons from different experiences, but it is unacceptable to be with someone that you don’t feel comfortable with. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that we are in love and making up excuses for some things that your heart already knows isn’t right, but the mind needs convincing.

In every relationship, there are signs that tell you what to expect and gives you an idea of where you are headed. However, with a toxic person, it is easy to ignore the red signals and give it all. As a human, we don’t always think bad of a person we are with and that can overshadow some massive flaws. Here are some of the signs that you are in a toxic relationship. If your mind needs convincing too, this is for you.

1. Lack of Trust

The first and the most absolute sign of being in a toxic relationship is when you don’t trust the person you are with. It is just not okay to feel that way when you are in a relationship. A healthy relationship is carried forward with trust and support and its not just something in movies. If you feel like you need to hide or lie to your partner, it proves that you are not comfortable around them, or even worse, you fear them.

A relationship that is toxic, will force you to hide your identity, wishes, dreams, thoughts because you know that it will not be perceived in a healthy manner. Instead, you decide the wrong way and lie. The façade can only last until you finally grasp the understanding of why it is not ideal.

2. Constant Judgment

The wrong kind of relationship is always keeping you on the edge about the reaction that you will receive. It is very easy to make someone feel purposefully bad or worse, pulling their self-esteem down, and a toxic partner tends to do that a lot. You are so concerned about the judgement you endure every step of the way. I read something the other day which said, “find yourself a partner who teaches you things that you don’t know without making you feel dumb.” That’s teamwork and shows appreciation for the person you are with.

But a toxic relationship often shows one person always having hurtful criticism or constant judgement towards the other person which can feel very destructive and disturbing at times. No one should ever have the right to make someone feel bad about the way they are.

3. Narcissistic Behaviour

The need for constant criticism by the toxic person ultimately stems from narcissistic personality. These kinds of people rarely see others as equals or better. For them, it's all about “I” and less about “us”. Imagine you pouring your heart in doing something special for them like cooking their favourite dish and they end up judging you about how they like it instead and what you could have done for them to like it even more. But you must realise, that there is a difference between how a comment is relayed and it must be with love and in a good sense. But most of all, you need to be appreciated for all that you do for them and not lose yourself when they constantly talk about themselves or what happens around them.

A relationship is a ship that can only be sailed by two people at once, in perfect harmony. If you allow yourself to slowly disappear against the boom of the other person, it is not a relationship anymore. Instead, you are just feeding their ego.

4. Lack of Respect and Self-Worth

To realize if you are in a toxic relationship, picture yourself the way you were before being in a relationship and after. It is okay if you think that you are not the same person anymore, but it is for worse instead? You must strive to be the best version of yourself every day of your life and you owe it to yourself to feel loved, happy, appreciated, encouraged and praised. But what if you are punishing yourself by depriving your heart of these feelings? It is when you identify as being in a toxic relationship.

A person in a happy relationship or in love will always make sure that the partner feels appreciated and happy and would go to new heights to make that happen. Love is not about gifting expensive things every month but realising that they make you happy the most.

5. It Feels “One-Sided”

Toxic relationships can start so innocent and you don’t even know when it turns out to be the thing that you don’t even want to be a part of. It starts by you putting more effort in maintaining the spark in the relationship, putting the extra penny, doing the extra dishes, seeking happiness in their presence and before you know it, you are the only person in the ship. You always going the extra mile for your partner just makes them take you for granted. It can end up making you feel like you are the only one putting an effort at all and holding your side of the bargain.

A person who loves you will want to be by your side through the ups and downs and share everything together. Nothing that they do will ever make you feel like you are alone in this or that you can’t rely on them for something you need. Look for that in your partner and if you don’t see it, ask yourself if you put too much of yourself into it.

6. You Are Not Happy

I would say from experience, that the biggest detector of judging whether you are with a right person or not, is to genuinely ask yourself if you are happy or not when you are around that person. Happiness for me is a state of mind of satisfaction, gratefulness and be appreciative. But it is something that comes naturally to you and you don’t have to change your ways and try hard to stay happy. So, if you are not happy and still finding something to keep the boat afloat, it’s time to let go.

A person that is not best suited for you won’t understand your needs and wishes and would only keep themselves in the spotlight. But if you don’t find the happiness in the relationship, it is clearly something that you should not continue with unless you are absolutely sure that the person you are with tries their very best every day to keep you happy.

7. Ignoring the Signals

Warning signs are always present in this kind of a relationship and it is onto you whether you see it or decide to ignore it for the time being. Sometimes, we know that the person is wrong, and you can’t find an excuse to justify their behaviour. But in the beginnings mostly, it is still new for us and we end up ignoring the red flags until its too late. Those signs are basically all or any of the toxic traits mentioned in this blog and anything else that you feel is not something you are comfortable with.

8. Radiates Negative and Evil Energy

The toxic person tends to fill the air with unnecessary tension and a disregard for people’s emotions. It is kind of similar to when you are in the company of a person that creeps you out or you dislike for some reason. It is closer to that feeling when in reality, you should be feeling a lot more comfortable with that person. So much so, that you feel confident enough to share your secrets or what bothers you. They shouldn’t make you feel threatened in any way.

9. You Are on Your Own

A relationship is a team of two people, I have said it before and I will keep saying it. The reason why you are in a relationship with a person is either you really like them, or you have fallen in love with them. If you are holding that person this high in your life, why are you allowing yourself to be treated anything different? It takes a strong commitment to a healthy relationship and if you feel like you are alone against the world, you are not with the right person. You should feel that there’s someone you can rely on for every little thing and it is not too much to expect when you are together.

10. Physical or Mental Abuse. Or Both.

There’s one thing where you have to absolutely draw the line, no matter what the situation demands: Abuse. Abuse of any kind, whether it is mental or physical is unacceptable and unjustifiable in any relationship. You cannot hurt the person who loves you in any way, shape or form, intentionally or unintentionally. Even if you are in love with the person, you owe it to yourself to tear them away from you. You need to do is because you owe it to yourself and your future. This is not something that will change, and you cannot keep quiet about it because, in the end, it is you who is taking the worst of it.

The tagline of my blog, and something I strongly believe in, is a phrase, “Be brave, imagine.” Imagine what you can change and be brave to take that one last step towards the happy future you deserve.